See the Lilies of the Field

“Sometimes the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them.” -Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen This year, this semester, has been a myriad of peaks, and valleys. I remember coming into the semester- getting my apartment set up after coming back from a retreat a week before classes began. Perhaps hindsight is glossing over whatever trifle I was dealing with at the time but the few weeks after that retreat were seamless, bright and promising. I had resolved that I would be intentional this year. I would take care of myself body, mind and spirit. I was regularly working out and eating well. I was watching what I put on and in my body- trying to get rid of harmful chemicals in my daily routine. I was cutting out binge- watching in favor of reading (not just for homework, but reading for pleasure too). My spiritual life was okay- it was good. But the retreat before school began had shed light on a struggle: I could not get over this feeling that something som...

This is not a post about me giving lessons (for I am hardly in a position to give advice given my relatively brief time as a nanny), rather it is a compilation of  my discoveries thus far. I have been a nanny for a over a month now. No, that is not a very long period of time, but it is significant enough that I have learned many things. For instance, I found out that I love crunchy peanut butter. Also, I have learned that I have more patience than I originally thought. I learned that diapers are not full-proof and leaks happen. A lot. I have learned that my toes and the legs of the baby bouncer do not get along... at all. I have learned how to multi-task much better than my abilities allowed before I started this job. I have learned that positive reinforcement works wonders. I have learned that even if the child in time-out seemingly has no toys nearby with which to occupy their time in "solitary",  3 minutes later they have somehow acquired 50 of them without moving...

  If I have learned anything recently, I have learned what love looks like through the actions of my friends.   If I could sum up the past two weeks in a word...well I probably shouldn't use that specific word... let's go with a more family friendly option: bonkers.  I got back to college after Thanksgiving feeling bad.  I had been having back pain for a few weeks and it hadn't gone away.  At first I thought it was muscle pain, but for the amount of time it lasted and the amount of pain and how deep it felt, I thought it might be something more.  I went to the Wellness Center the morning I got back and they thought it might be a UTI.  A few days later, the pain got really bad.  It was excruciating.  Something else was going on.  In the past week I have been to the ER twice.  They're thinking kidney stones. Last Thursday morning I woke up and couldn't move.  Between gasps of pain and tears I texted a close friend to come help....

Am I really in college? Is this reality? I catch myself asking these questions a lot.  It still seems unreal to me at times.  I've dreamed about these days and now I am literally living those dreams.  I find that incredible to think about!   College has been even more amazing than I thought it would be.  Immediately, I felt at home and God has blessed me with some amazing friends who uplift me and keep me accountable with my faith. The prospect of spending the next four years plus with these people makes me smile and shake my head simultaneously.  I can't imagine the types of shenanigans we'll get into.  Since I've been here (its been about 3 months now), I've been able to join the student led choir, the ballroom/swing dancing club (which is an insane amount of fun), and various other different clubs/activities.  Some of my favorite places to be on campus, besides the coffee shop, are the Marian grotto and the adoration chapel. My roommate a...

     Well, hello there people of the internet.  Its been a long time.  I know, I'm sorry. Its just been crazy lately.  The entirety of April and May were reviewing, studying and exams.  Sooooo many exams.  Around 15 of them actually.  But good news, I got the IB diploma! Not that it really means much now, but its nice to know I got it. And then June was graduation and my birthday, in that order.  One was the day after the other. 18! My parents can legally kick me out now.  My bro got confirmed, my sister is off to high school, I've been up and around VA and PA visiting family and... what else? Oh yeah, COLLEGE. What? I know. Its crazy. I've only dreamed about this moment for the past four years of my life-thank you, public school system...  Suffice to say, thinking about college is what kept me going through my high school years. That and a whole lot of Jesus.  And coffee. Yes, I am FINALLY done with high school.  No...

There are things I never thought I would go through, things I never thought I would experience, people I never thought I would lose from my life. But one can never know the future can they? Over the past month or so I have experienced a few losses. I've lost friends. But they weren't just friends to me, they felt like family.  The way our relationship was, I thought we would be friends forever. I believed our friendship was rooted and growing deeper and stronger all the time. I guess that was not God's plan. A keen loss. I feel it everyday.  These people were sisters to me and now we are strangers.  Its weird and unnatural.  We told each other everything.  Everything.  I went to them in my frustrations and they came to me in theirs. We were always asking each other for prayers. I sit sometimes and am so confused.  What happened? One day we were so close and the next it felt like our friendship had been severed with a knife. No explanation,  ...

Oh goodness. Its August.  I can't believe it's already August!  A few weeks ago I got my Senior pictures taken, and when I saw them it hit me. I thought, "Dang." Because it dawned on me all of the stuff I'm going to have to get done this year. School hasn't even started, and I am stressed out.  I'm searching far and wide for any and every scholarship, I feel like I'm swimming in summer assignments.  I'm studying for the SAT- again so that I can get a better score so that I can apply for more scholarships... I'm looking for a way to make money that won't take time away from my extracurricular activities- which will make me more well-rounded so I am more attractive to colleges...but I need the money from the job to help pay for college.  Oh and grades, once school starts I need to keep me GPA up- also for college... *Sigh* So anyways that's what has been going on lately. Its kinda scary you know? This year is going to be very differe...

I walk into the Sanctuary, immediately I turn towards the tabernacle and kneel. I bless myself with Holy Water and proceed to the pew. Again I kneel and bury my head in my arms. "Help me remember Lord" I pray this prayer over and over. I am able to talk aloud to my Savior as I await my turn in the confessional. I feel contrition. Sorrow. Guilt. I look upon my Lord hanging on the Crucifix.  I meditate, mentally writing down each one of my sins. The confessional door opens. I take a deep breath, my heart is full of hope and joy. You see- I do not fear the Sacrament of Confession, I run to it! I embrace it! It is one of the most wonderful gifts I have ever been given. I am able to cleanse my heart and my soul! I am able to become a new person! I give my sins to Christ and He wipes them away. I enter the confessional, ask for Father's blessing and pour out my offenses to the Lord. I make my act of contrition, "O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offende...

Hey y'all, I'm back! Sorry about that little break there. I have been so busy lately its been crazy! Lots has been happening so a few updates before I continue: -Vocation...lots of prayer. Lots of thinking. I have seen so many people give such great witnesses to their vocation and what God has called them to do. It has been a great support to me just to be able to talk with them. (More on this in a bit) -College...still looking around. I love Franciscan University of Stuebenville,  Ohio and Christendom College of Front Royal,  VA but I need to figure out a way to support myself financially because these schools aren't cheap, but their academics and faithfulness to the Church more than make up for price. -Spiritual Life...growing :) lately, especially since the canonization, I've felt a very close connection with Saint John Paul 2. Why? I am not sure, but I have always had a special place in my heart for this Pope. He is my spiritual Papa, and I ask for his intercess...

I have a vision, a standard, for myself, as a young woman, as a daughter of the Lord. I don't want to look myself in the mirror in the morning and ask myself if my pants are tight enough, I don't want to ask myself if my clothes accentuate my curves enough. I want to look at myself and ask if my smile reaches my eyes, I want to ask myself if my attitude is joyful, if I am willing to be caring, kind, understanding. I don't want to look at myself and see only my body. I don't want to stand there and appraise myself based on the outside, but on what's within . As it should be with every woman. But today, we are not told to look within, we are told, we are shown, we are taught, that what is most important is on the outside. Walk into your local mall, walk into almost any clothing store, and you find skinny jeans, mini-skirts, booty shorts, find tight-fitting shirts, you find see-through clothing.  I admit, I have bought my fair share of jeans, and shirts (althou...

Prayer is wonderful, it is the simplest of acts, but it can be the most difficult to accomplish.  I tend to agree with St. Therese when she says, For me prayer is a surge of the heart, it is a simple look towards Heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy. And with Matthew Kelly, when he says, Prayer is like a great love. When you start dating the silence can be awkward, but as you grow to know each other you can sit in silence for hours and just being with each other is a great comfort. Prayer, at first can seem very daunting but, it can lead to the most wonderful things. I have been praying about what I'm going to do after high school, what I should major in at college, what I should do after college.  The Lord, when He answers my prayers, seems to do so through the words and actions of others.  I went to visit my elementary/middle school the other day with some friends.  It is a good Catholic school that I went to f...

*Just some thoughts I had while waiting for sleep to come, that I wanted to write down/share before I forgot them :)* So I've been pondering, quite recently, Mary and Joesph's lives and vocations. I was first thinking about how Mary lived the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, but was also a wife and mother.  She was given the ability to live out two vocations simultaneously. When I first thought about this I said, "Lucky! Wish I could do that." But upon further contemplation, I asked, "Why? Why was she able to live out both of those vocations?" And the Holy Spirit didn't hesitate to provide me with an answer.  She did this to act as a model and witness, especially to women.  I thought about how Christ went through every human experience, so both men and women can turn to Christ when faced with questions of their lives and vocations. I thought that men especially can also turn to St. Joseph, who was also, like Mary, able to live out the voc...

He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it. -Martin Luther King, Jr.   As much as we hate to admit it, we are not immortal. Several events over these past few days have reiterated that fact. And there is no telling when, or how, or where, or why we will die. All we know, is that we will. Some day. What I have noticed over these past few years, is that some of us (myself included) can become lukewarm, and passive in our Faith. And this is a danger to our immortal souls. We say things like, "I was too busy to go to Mass" "I'm too tired to pray tonight" "I have too much homework to do, I can't go to Church" "I'll pray tomorrow" "I'll go to Confession next week" Christians, Catholics, are not called to put off what can be done today. We are not called to hide from our respo...

Ohhh the dreaded comments section.   I cannot read any  sort of religious article anymore without there being one or more people saying things like, "Christianity was created by the apostle Paul"  "Jesus was a zombie"  "What god are we talking about one, or all of them?"  The list goes on... How it saddens me to see this.  How it saddens me to see people locked in a fruitless comment debate, a stalemate, destined to leave all participants in a sour mood.  It saddens me even more when I ponder upon what the Lord thinks of this.  He waits for us, pines for us, pursues us.  He loves us, and we turn away.  Time and time again we turn away.  Every time we sin or turn our backs or deny Him, we are slapping Him in the face.  Him, who has done nothing but Love us, nothing but look after us, nothing but want the best for us. My Father, how it must pain You, to see your children this way! How it must cause Your Heart to break! I feel...

Hello all,    Well, as you might have noticed, my blog is no longer called Becoming the Potter's Vessel.  I have been wanting to change the name for awhile now, but haven't been able to come up with anything to call it.  I wanted something with a similar message, as before, trust in God. I prayed about it, and read scripture, and as I read Psalms, a verse, reminded me of this advice Christ gave the disciples: 27 And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? 28 And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32 For it is the Ge...

  Happy New Year Everyone!    So, I'm just going to get right into it tonight.  Thank you to the guys.  Thank you to the guys, to the men, who show me that I don't need to settle, the men who show me chivalry in its truest form, the men who desire holiness above all else, to the men that respect me, and women everywhere.    I've been struggling over the past few weeks, especially these past few days.  I feel as if I am continually going from one extreme to another.  Church and school.  I do other activities clubs, etc... but looking at a very broad perspective, looking at what influences my life the most- these are the two that leave the biggest mark.  Church and school.  And boy, there is such a stark contrast between the two.    At school today, I heard guys talking about how proud they were that they got a girl to sleep with them because she's only slept with two or three guys before.  I heard some whose c...

I am kneeling in Church, the Priest humbly and reverently utters the words of Consecration over the bread and wine about to become Body and Blood.  I am enraptured.  My whole being hungers for the precious gift!  I ponder the words of the Priest, and contemplate the Eucharist.  My attention is drawn to a statue of the Blessed Virgin, near the altar-holding the infant Christ in her arms. Suddenly, the room goes dark, and I am no longer in Church, but a cave.  I am kneeling still.  Next to me is a woman, radiance is pouring from her.  I can feel her holiness, her love and goodness. Angels surround her, they sing canticles and hymns of praise for their unborn Lord. She turns to me.  Her face is alight with joy, and holy love.  She is beautiful.  She is my Mother. We are in Bethlehem- it is the night of the Birth of the Lord. "Be a Tabernacle for my Son," she says. "Mother, teach me how! I am a worm, unworthy!" At this she stands, and I ...

Though I cannot see you Mother, I feel your embrace, warm and loving, turning me towards your Son. Showing me the Way. Leading me by the hand as mothers often do. I love you so much Mother Mary. So many times I have called out for you in the night, and you were there, you are always there to lead me back to Him. O Sweet Rose! O Holy Tabernacle! O Full of Grace!  How grateful I am for you! How many times have you pulled me from the snares of the devil? Oh, Mother! My heart is overflowing with love for you and your Son.  Such gratitude I feel for you Mystical Rose! Queen of Heaven and Earth! Mother of the Word Incarnate! Mother of Sorrows! I cannot wait to re-consecrate myself to you!  My heart leaps in anticipation of the day that I can reaffirm my slavery to you and your Son! How sweet a servanthood it is, full of love and beauty! Oh Mother, I love you,  pray for me a miserable sinner !