Musings at Midnight...sort of

Well, its 4 am on a Monday morning.  Doesn't look like I'll be going to sleep any time soon, so I decided to write...blog...whatever you want to call it.  Anyways, I've been thinking a lot lately about my future, about discernment.  Its really strange how one day you can know exactly what you wanna do, where you wanna go, what/who you wanna be...and the next day you can't even decide what color shirt to wear.  I used to know, I mean like know know that I was going to be a religious. I was going to finish school, enter with an active/contemplative convent, and live happily ever after. Then, one heartfelt sincere prayer later, I don't know anymore.  I'll be frank, I feel like God is giving me mixed signals. I mean don't get me wrong, its not like my memory is gone or anything, but its weird surrendering. Like, really letting go of what may or may not be.  Especially when society today has to know every detail of everything that will happen in your life ever.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but its weird not worrying about whats going to happen. I mean, its not like things are all hunky dory, but I don't feel a constant need to worry about what I'm gonna do in the next 2,3,4,5 years. Although I do admit-parents nagging about doing more extra-curriculars to beef up my college applications is a bit stressful, but I also know its all in God's Hands. I'm not gonna sit back and do nothing and wait for colleges to come crawling to me, or for my Guardian Angel to fill out applications for me...but I do have reassurance and trust in God (Jer. 29:11).

Not knowing what my future is does have its perks though.  For instance, I've become a lot more open to discerning marriage-i.e. dating/courtship etc... Haha, my friends have literally told me how much of a change they've seen in me since our youth group's Steubenville Conference (the place where that sincere prayer I talked about earlier took place).  I find myself-semi-unconsciously-scanning the pews before Mass when we enter the Sanctuary, looking for any nice Catholic boys who love their Savior as much as I do. :)  I want to start writing letters to my future spouse, whether that be Jesus or not, and praying for them.

Another perk is, life is such an adventure! I feel like a Catholic version of Indiana Jones! Seriously, like God could bring me anywhere, let me do anything. Its such a weird feeling but I'm not joking its so cool! I'm at the mercy of His Will. For all I know I could end up being a missionary in Asia, or a Sister in NY, or a mother at home, or founder of a Crisis Pregnancy Center (this one is on my bucket list).  Heck, I could be the one who finds the cure for cancer, or overturns Roe v. Wade.  The possibilities are endless with God!

Now I've rambled on and on about myself and where I am spiritually, I want to hear from you.  I don't know how many people read this, if any, but if you're out there I'd love to here a bit about where you are in your discernment.  Feel free to comment, and/or share with a friend, or none of the above, whatever floats your boat.  Its now 430 am and I'm still not tired...so we'll see how this pans out. Anyways God Bless you guys, and become a Saint, with a capital S!!