See the Lilies of the Field

Well, its 4 am on a Monday morning.  Doesn't look like I'll be going to sleep any time soon, so I decided to write...blog...whatever you want to call it.  Anyways, I've been thinking a lot lately about my future, about discernment.  Its really strange how one day you can know exactly what you wanna do, where you wanna go, what/who you wanna be...and the next day you can't even decide what color shirt to wear.  I used to know, I mean like know know that I was going to be a religious. I was going to finish school, enter with an active/contemplative convent, and live happily ever after. Then, one heartfelt sincere prayer later, I don't know anymore.  I'll be frank, I feel like God is giving me mixed signals. I mean don't get me wrong, its not like my memory is gone or anything, but its weird surrendering. Like, really letting go of what may or may not be.  Especially when society today has to know every detail of everything that will happen in your life ever.

A very short story that I had the notion of making randomly...Enjoy! :)  Lying awake in my bed, its past midnight. Though my windows are open, and a rare cool breeze floats in, I cannot get comfortable.  Something is clawing at my mind. Though my body pines for sleep- my soul is wide awake.  Inside of me there is a cry, a longing, a plea.  It confuses me.  My heart and soul are aflame with a desire my mind cannot comprehend.  Then, a whisper reaches through the darkness… “Lover,” it says, “I am here.”   And suddenly I know.  I know what, I know Who.  My heart bursts with exultation, my soul is soaring, my mind understands now!  In a second I am on my knees, and suddenly, with just a change of thought, I am immersed in an unrequited loving embrace!  Here is my Lord, my Love, here is my desire! After a few moments of ecstasy and prayer, I find myself more at peace than I had ever been before.    I drifted then, to sleep with a full heart, and a content soul…my last thoughts li